


The Dickening

by onebizarrekai



Category: Undertale (Fandom), Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: 18+ ONLY, M/M, absolutely a hundred percent serious, comically strong language, completely unironic sexy times, crackfic, human versions, it's sexy times guys, okay but really, shitpost, super duper gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:21:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21796780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onebizarrekai/pseuds/onebizarrekai
Summary: Three years ago, Jared 19s would drunkenly collapse into my tumblr inbox and ask me to make "cream sin". It happened more than it should have, considering the fact that I blatantly presented myself as someone who steered clear of 18+ content and who also disliked that ship specifically because of strong personal distaste.Now, as a legal and completely responsible adult who no longer cares, I, at last, fulfill this objectionable wish.You're welcome.
Relationships: Cream™, Dream/Cross, Starcrossed - Relationship
Comments: 9
Kudos: 60





	The Dickening

**Author's Note:**

> looking back at this, I can't believe I wrote this, but also, honestly, I can.

“you know, dream, you’re cute when you’re lookin’ all smol n shit. and below me. I like you here. no offense,” cross said, gracefully pinning dream to a bed like in a fucking yaoi anime.

“bitchass hoe,” dream spat, defiantly defying cross’s shitty suggestive notions. he was actually a buff motherfucker, so he kneed cross in the ribs and pushed him off the bed and onto the floor. standing over cross’s writhing body, he planted himself there, his hands on his hips. it was fine because cross had sadomasochist switch energy and he was also a dweeb. “there’s only room in this room for one bottom.”

but because cross was a dweeb, he refused to accept defweet. unfortunately, he wasn’t enough of a dweeb to forget that dream had kneed him in the ribs and it still kinda hurt. that was kinda mean of him, all things considered.

“well, big boy? you gon fight the man?” dream asked. “cuz if yaint I’m gonna enjoy assing you in the fuck.”

“dream pls,” cross cried. “you fucked up my general torso area. everything hurts. I need you to sensually heal me.”

“that’s pretty gay, cross. fortunately, I am gay.”

“I thought you were pan.”

“pan covers gay as a subset.”

dream tore off cross’s shirt because he has no patience. cross’s ribs were actually fucking bruising and dream realized that he majorly fucked up. fortunately, no bruise was too strong for the golden man himself. as dream fell to his knees and sensually spidered his fingers over the surface of cross’s general torso area, cross let out theatric moaning on purpose that was more like a screaming husky just to be annoying.

“oh, dream. you have not only healed the bruises that you fucking gave me, but have healed the bruises in my heart. kiss me, you condescending prick,” cross said.

“I’ll do more than kiss you, bird shit,” dream replied, shimmying above the super white man’s body. they made gross kissing noises while they french kissed for like 40 solid seconds. dream smorched all over cross’s face and neck and it was super gay, preceding the growing sexy times energy as dream migrated down because cross’s shirt had already ceased to exist earlier.

thus began the dickening.

it began right then and there, on the floor, two feet away from the actual comfortable bed, because floor fucking was hot. dream would have shoved his hands into cross’s pants immediately but the guy was wearing super tight jeans for some godforsaken reason and the effort proved fruitless. dream spent the next 20 seconds trying to get them off. in spite of how long it took, it apparently didn’t matter, because cross had done it for some dumbass kink reason anyway and was super turned on by the time they actually came off. thanks asshole.

cue the lorge flesh stick. dream subtly stroked it and cross made some nondescript noises. “c…come on, is that it??” cross whined like an impatient douchebag.

“it will be if you don’t shut the fuck up,” dream told him. cross obediently complied because he didn’t want to lose the dickery.

dream did some other sexy dick shit that I am too fucking lazy to elaborate on. for a lack of another place to effectively and patiently fuck the white man himself, dream whipped off his Trousers and began the cross ass fucking process, because cross would probably be too lazy to move into any other position, especially after being kneed onto the floor and having his entire general torso area accidentally fucked up by dream.

“oh dream! oH! it’s tOO mUCH!” cross exclaimed, somehow singlehandedly flinging dream’s shirt off at the same time even though that makes no sense.

“cross I haven’t even gone in yet,” dream told him.

“sorry, I’m not very good at this.”

dream yeeted protection on because healthy sex is the sexiest and generously applied the lube that was conveniently on the floor near them for no reason in particular and lifted cross’s respectably hairy legs onto his shoulders before he started mild shimmydom as he continued to get his hands down and dirty on the dickening. cross’s capacity to use coherent vocabulary disappeared almost immediately because he was getting his ass fucked and he’s a manbaby.

“you like that, don’t you?” dream asked, provoking provocatively. cross gasped gaily for a lack of any other ability to form words and covered his face with the entirety of both his arms. “I’m ya man.”

“shut your fuck,” cross finally succeeded in saying after whimpering and shit for the last however long. spectacular comeback.

because cross’s simpleton-realistically-inexperienced cranium was no match for dream’s unnecessarily expansive knowledge on the fuckery, he got overstimulated like really fast and convulsed after like three minutes. his fragile pride mortally wounded for the millionth time, cross just kinda lay there on the floor, completely incoherent. his back was probably going to hurt for the next three days, but frankly, he deserved it.

“yo. yo cross wake your ass up I’m not done,” dream said, waving a hand in cross’s face. it was hopeless. the man was defeated. dream gained 100 sexual experience points.

disappointed and still horny, dream pulled out and yeeted cross onto the bed. cross immediately started snoring loudly and dream took so much mortal offense that he yeeted cross off the bed again while he finished jacking off.

suddenly, cross had risen. his feet were still on the side of the bed, but he bent himself up, grunting a mighty grunt of holy-shit-everything-hurts. “hold it,” he declared, perfectly imitating phoenix wright to the point where the sound effect layered over his voice. “it is time, dream. today is the day that I get my switch license.”

“you said that three days ago,” dream replied, his hand still on dick. “dude we both know how that went.”

“I believe in trial and error.”

at least, that was cross’s intention until he realized that he couldn’t fucking move. dream noticed before he even did.

“never mind,” cross said, defeatedly falling back to the floor. “I’ll just voyeur instead and go to sleep for three hours. I’ll learn by watching and internalize it through the power of nap. get me the fuck up.” cross extended his arms in front of him.

“you’re a dumbass. but you’re my dumbass so it’s okay.” dream pulled him back up, cross pterodactyl screeching as it happened. he collapsed sideways after he was back on the actual bed.

“that’s like hella fucking gay.”

“you’re gay.”

“no you.”

“love you.”

cross screeched again, burying his face in a pillow. “one of these days I will destroy you,” he said.

“keep dreaming,” dream teased. “heheh. get it. it’s like, my catchphrase.”

cross squonted. “go fuck yourself.”

“actually I’m about to. you’ll miss it if you don’t get your face out of that pillow. by the way this is your fault for dying after I finished fucking you.”

cross’s brain shorted out, so he couldn’t think of a clever retort. he just grumbled. that was a thing he did a lot when he couldn’t retort.

cross ended up getting so embarrassed watching dream finish getting himself off that he ended up barely internalizing anything. his switch license would have to wait. they did smooch a little and collectively fall asleep though and it was pretty gay and wholesome. the fuckening had ended, and the narrator had run out of ridiculous ways to describe what the hell was happening. the end of the fic had called, everyone left to question their life choices.

just kidding. the end.


End file.
